Yesterday I got out of bed at 4.30am to prepare for an information session for my group program for women. Getting up at this time isn’t the best for my wellbeing, but it allows me to succeed sometimes in delivering globally. In this instance it was necessary to give an overview to 15 women who had shown a lot of interest.
If you’ve been following me for a long time, you will know it’s my sincere intent to deliver tools and resources to support you. So following my purpose I was online at a couple of minutes to 6.
Five minutes later two people showed up who promptly disappeared with no word. Another five minutes after that a gorgeous lady appeared but didn’t want to be alone online with me. So she gave her thanks and politely ducked out.
The women who all registered certainly didn’t succeed in showing up for themselves that day.
Shortly after I disconnected the link and went to get some brekkie. Partially annoyed that I had in fact missed out on precious sleep to show up for others. But knowing that is indeed my choice, I began to look into the patterns of behaviour instead. It was a distinct pattern that had been displayed by no less than 15 women.
This is a pattern that can get in the way of you being able to succeed in all life facets
If you regularly show interest in something for yourself, but don’t commit, follow through or show up. This is the pattern I’m talking about.
You might come up with a whole list of reasons why you don’t follow through or commit. Some of them may be true. Some are perhaps excuses especially if you use them repetitively. But there’s one thing for sure.
You’re most definitely not being your own best friend. Because, let’s face it, your closest friend would show up for you.
Instead, you’re being your own worst enemy. This pattern will block you from living your best life, if you don’t get a handle on it.
How to know you’re being your own worst enemy
- You regularly prioritise other people’s needs and and wants above your own.
- Possibly you make excuses about why you shouldn’t do something.
- Maybe you tell yourself you can’t commit to your own needs for some reason or another
- Perhaps you carry other’s responsibilities.
- Delegation is something you find really hard and you have difficulty asking for help
- It’s much easier to do things yourself or you tell yourself no one can do it as well as you
- You have a need to keep people happy and this overrides other choices you’d like to make.
- There might be a number of stories you tell yourself that lower your confidence
- You allow yourself to be treated badly by others
- Boundaries are virtually non existent or you have no idea what they are
- Your self talk sucks and you wouldn’t even speak that badly to someone you didn’t like
These are just a few patterns that get in the way of you being able to succeed and achieve. The list is inexhaustible, but you get the picture right?
You’re certainly not going to thrive and feel energised while you’re treating yourself this way. And you definitely won’t be fulfilled. In fact, you might feel downright exhausted at the thought of doing anything else. Even if it is for yourself.
Make the transition to succeed in being your own best friend
First of all take a deep breath. It’s a bit of an eye opener when you first realise that these are your patterns. What can also be slightly shocking is that there are quite a number of other people who do the same. However, just because other’s do them doesn’t give social proof it’s okay.
In fact, behaviour like this is self destructive.
Realise that these patterns are addictive. There can be a tendency to judge people who have a dependency on alcohol or drugs. But these patterns of behaviour are no better. Just like drugs and alcohol, they make you feel better in the short term. But in the long term you feel much worse and have difficulty achieving what you want.
Confront yourself about how life will be in the future if you continue behaving this way. Remember that life doesn’t change until you change. This begins with eradicating beliefs, stories and behaviours that keep you stuck.
Make a promise to yourself to do what it takes to really succeed now and in the coming years. This might mean changing behaviours you’ve had for decades.
Model behaviours of friendships that thrive
Think about how you treat your best or closest friend and behave that way towards yourself. It’s pretty much the opposite to the patterns I mentioned earlier.
- Regularly prioritise your own needs
- When you want to do something just do it and never make excuses
- Commit to your own needs and do it consistently
- Realise that the only person you are responsible for is yourself
- Take responsibility for your choices and give yourself balanced positive feedback
- Keep yourself happy and live your life for you
- Practice asking for help and notice how others really want to support you
- Become comfortable with delegation and give someone else a chance to learn
- Tell yourself stories that boost your confidence
- If anyone treats you badly stand up for yourself
- Create strong realistic boundaries that are aimed at nurturing you
- Speak to yourself with kindness and encouragement just like you do for your best friend
After mulling all this over during breakfast, I jumped on my computer. I wrote an email to all 15 people who didn’t show up. You wouldn’t believe the amount of responses I received, all apologising for not being there. Which was really lovely of them.
As they wrote their responses they were treating me as they would a best friend. It was very kind of them and I was grateful. But I wonder if their treatment towards themselves was the same?
When we’ve had behaviour patterns for years that don’t serve us well, it can be very challenging to stay committed to changing them. That’s where a talented and experienced coach comes in and it’s why I have developed programs, processes and structures over the years to give support with this. Book a Complimentary Clarity Call to see if this program is a good fit for you right now.